Tinpot Tibetans fail to crack Hindu nut

Having lost their leader and been dispossessed of Kapissa by the dastardly Bobroes of Persia, the Hindu expeditionary force returned to their native lands for a bit of well-earned R-n-R. Or at least, that is what they thought.

News came through that the irritating Tibetan shopkeeper (better known as the Deli Llama in historical texts) had once again sent out a force under the command of Zhayne Yahwot to seize all manner of delicacies for his business. Rumour had it that number one on Zhayne’s shopping list was elephant balls and that he had already seized those of Gnash the Hepthalite. Now, he was supposed to be looking for those belonging to the Guptas. Thus, it came to pass on one fine spring morning in AD 563 (or thereabouts) that the Tibetan knights approached the Hindu army peacefully relaxing by a riverbank.

The Indians took advantage of a gentle hill in their centre with psiloi securing the wood on their left flank and hordes blocking approaches from across the river on their right.  The Tibetans deployed almost out of sight, but from his hilltop vantage point, the new Hindu general, Antarthritis of Creakybhony, could tell that the small Tibetan force had even less horsemen than even a small Tibetan force should have. Thus, he immediately suspected a devious ploy to get as yet unseen horsemen behind his elephants and grab their balls from the rear.

At dawn, the Tibetans began their morning exercises, parading up and down in front of the Hindu hill. “Here we go again” opined the Indians and most went back to sleep knowing they would be safe for a couple more hours. Most that is except for some intrepid sailors who took their boats down the river looking to do a bit of outflanking of their own.

With no enemy in sight, the intrepid sailors jumped off downstream and went in search of booty. They ran around the wooded hill on the Tibetan left and stumbled across the Tibetan camp, protected by nothing but a fence. Gleefully, the leading company attacked! (Thus, the first combat of the encounter took place between Tibetan baggage in temporary fortifications and a marauding Indian iBdF. Watching the ‘action’ elsewhere up to this point had been much like watching windscreen wipers doing their stuff on a rainy day on a car stuck in traffic.)

However, the deviousness of the Tibetans knows no depths and at this point, a whole contingent of Nepalese cavalry revealed themselves on both sides of the encampment. Stunned, the Hindu sailors did their best to line up and fight off the cavalry on their side. Hearing of their predicament, their general rushed to the aid of his men (or at least, as quickly as his bow could with spartan PIP dice).

Seeing the Hindu bow and elephants disappearing round the wooden hill, Zhayne decided to give chase, at first with the other Nepalese and then with one of his own light horse commands. Oh, what a merry go round it was around the hill: the blade falling one by one to the Tibetan cavalry, the Hindu general rushing to save them, the light horse chasing those reinforcements and more Nepalese behind them. Would the general arrive in time to save any of his men? Would the light horse grab his elephant's balls from the rear first? Ooh, the drama!

At this point, the Hindu general rolled a calamitous 1 on his PIP die. Either he turned in an act of self-preservation, leaving the rest of his force exposed to rear attacks, or kept everyone going to stay away from all but the leading light horse. Valiantly, he took the latter option, the nearest light horse tried to grab his other elephant’s balls, they fought, the elephant won, he turned, and suddenly that light horse was not looking so happy. Next Hindu bound, the PIP die was kinder and enabled the general and one bow to turn while also allowing the other bow to keep on going. Now facing the pursuers, the bow got off the first (and only) shot of the entire battle, killing the nearest enemy light horse.

Way over in the opposite corner of the field, some other Tibetan light horse took on brave psiloi who had eschewed the safety of the wood for glory. Unremarkable in itself, but deserving mention in this tale for it enticed the commander of those light horse forward while still being in an apparently ‘safe’ position. Safe it was not for lurking unhidden behind the tropical foliage were more Indian warriors (iBdF in ambush) and the enemy general had strayed within strike range. A good PIP roll enabled them to not only engage said general but also get some psiloi onto his flank for a potential quick kill.

Oh the agony as the ambushers rolled just 2 in combat, but the stunned general could only muster a 1 and the agony turned to ecstasy as the Tibetan fell from his horse. (Editor's note: This is called karma as my CnC died on a 2-1 in similar fashion last time out.)

Their general gone, the rest of his command became disheartened and the threat of them outflanking the Indians was all but removed, so the Hindu foot became emboldened to move up and close on the Tibetan knights.

Furthermore, with the Tibetans either trying to either get around the wood on their right or on the wooded hill merry-go-round on their left, they had all but vacated the centre, allowing more wild Hindu warriors (spontaneous iBdF) to burst through and harry another general (the commander of the light horse engaging the elephants).

At this point, Zhayne decided that an orderly withdrawal was better than defeat, so opted to break off the fight. Antarthritis’ ally general had turned the tables on the pursuing light horse by getting his elephants around, and with that light horse general being under personal pressure the whole command was in a sticky position. More importantly, the knights on the other side would have had to fight off two-thirds of the Indian army single-handed (odds of perhaps nearly three to one), not being able to rely on the wavering light horse without their general.

In sum, a battle of posturing and movement with very little actual combat. The Tibetans failed to draw the Indians out of their defensive position (not least because the central Indian command struggled for PIPs most of the game and took an age to get off the hill) while the Indian attack on the Tibetan baggage sucked half the Tibetan army away from where it needed to be. The Indians held their ambushers until the right moment, and because the ambush worked, the showdown looked set for an Indian victory. The Tibetans were saved by the bell. Final result: 13-12 to the Hindu Indians.