The Battle Of Wayinzfallus - or 'The Parthians Have Trouble Keeping It Up'

The Battle Of Wayinzfalus (Somewhere on the banks of the Euphrates)

The magnificent Sassanian leader, Nashur III (all hail him in his magnificence!), led his force along the Euphrates River to reclaim his kingship from the pretender Whatsisgases The Decrepit. Vast his horde was, filled with rank upon rank of loyal nobles, fully armoured and equipped with their levy in support. The full array of Persian power was called upon this day, with the valiant Armenians in support. (The Parthians had their usual assortment of riff-raff and peasants.)

Being the cowardly scum that we know them to be, we had anticipated the Parthian strategy, and once again they had retreated to the (imaginary) sanctuary of another hill fort. This one was known locally by the name of the hill from which it dominated (sniggers) the surrounding orchards. The hill (due to its unusual shape?) was known as ‘Wayinzfallus’ – a name that will forever strike fear into the man and maid alike, for it was on this day that the impotence of Parthia was proven without doubt. Wayinzfallus was slippery with the blood of many an agonized Parthian!

The Parthians, in their predictable manner, deployed their farce…force in a thin line of battle with their horse archers on the flanks, cataphracts in the middle, and their Commagene ally with his bow and blades of inferior repute holding the very centre. The illustrious Persian killing machine then revealed the true quality (read: quantity) of its host. The levy to the left, Asavaran cavalry and elephants alongside the cataphracts in the middle, and the speedy Armenian knights and horse archers to the right.

Pic: Nashur III & Bobzarus exhibiting the ancient Persian traditional art of synchronise deploying.

Upon sight of the full array of Persia, there was a great uproar from the Parthian lines. At first we thought it war drums. In fact, it was the sound of armoured knees knocking together and officers encouraging, nay – forcing their troops to stand and fight! With that much piss on the floor we though the Commagene ally had deployed in a marsh!!

Pic: The opening deployment, with Wayne’s odd shaped hill on the right.

And thus, battle was begun – well for everyone except the Commagene ally who decided to show his lack of courage – or was it a lack of confidence in the infamous Whatsisgases? (unreliable ally)

The opening of hostilities saw the Parthians advancing their horse archers to capitalise on their greater numbers against the Armenians. The middle stood and quivered, whilst on the opposite flank a number of Parthian men made a show of mounting Wayinzfalus and jumping up and down in a strange manner that reminded us of the Greeks.

Unperturbed, the pride of Persia advanced. On our left, the honourable general Bobzarus, tempted by the excitement on Wayinzfalus, advanced to contact the light horse, reaching around to hit them in the flank and the front. Our middle rode on towards the Commagene cowards, whilst our right pushed forwards. This was our first mistake, as we over stretched ourselves and the dastardly Parthian light horse managed to engage us with flanks exposed.

Above: Parthian LH make a mess of the Armenians

The Armenian nobles exacting revenge and taking out 2 Kn x  from separate commands 

The battle progressed with all the action on the flanks. On our left, Bobzarus deftly took Wayinzfalus in his firm hand, with some wrenching back and forth, we have to admit. But in the end his firm grip proved enough to bring the action to a swift climax. On our right, the Parthians had bloodied the Armenians, but the nobles contacted the Parthian cataphracts, making some holes in their thin line. Alas, it was not to last. The Parthians countered and rode the Armenians down. Surprisingly, Whatsisgases The Decrepit was in the action and managed to even get into a fight – strongly supported by his aid de camp, Zimmer.  The middle had ground to a halt. The cataphracts had become too cautious, holding back to avoid activating the Commagenes – our second mistake.

Dead Kns on both sides but the Armenian general died, shattering his command as they were already weakened from losing LH. 

Whatsigases The Decrepit carrying the day! He had it in a little tartan bag attached to the front of his horse's barding) 

With the Armenians shattered, Commagene, who had just turned his back on the battle, decided to come back – a fatal error on his part! However, the Parthain cataphracts were in amongst our cavalry and doing some harm. Bobzarus, following directions from Nashur III (all hail him in his magnificence!), swiftly and deftly moved an elephant across to threaten the Parthian general. At this time Commagene had gotten quite brave, lustily and with great desire mounting Wayinzfalus. He sat astride the very tip of Wayinzfalus, defying all comers! A desperate move which could have gone both ways – much like the Parthians!

Whilst perched upon Wayinzfalus, the Commagene general was mobbed by the Persian hero Bobzarus. Once more taking the hilt and shouting, ‘Wayinzfalus is mine!’ he rode on to it, riding down the enemy before him. This left a broken sub general’s command routing from the eruptions of Wayinzfalus, and an allied command with no leader. However, the other flank was a different story.

Whatsisgases had pushed forward through the Persian cavalry, exposing their rears – a place we all know he likes to be! On the far right, the Parthian light horse were weakened but not yet disheartened, whilst the Persians we disheartened and very close to breaking!

Our heroic Asavaran were surrounded by Parthian light horse. Nashur III (all hail him in his magnificence!) and his cataphracts were stalled (two 1s for pips) and in danger of being outflanked. It was do or die!
The Asavaran fought like demons to hold off the Parthian lights. Whatsisgases the Decrepit, carried forward by the weight of his colostomy bag, could not control his advance (or was it, like we had seen so many times before, his attempt to reach the safety of a table edge?) and found his own rear terribly exposed – a sight that will, on dark lonely nights, haunt the survivors of this battle until the day they die.

Pic: Whatsisgases’ fateful manoeuvre. 

Tempted by the gift offered to us (beware Greeks bearing gifts and well let’s face it these Parthians are just as deviant!), we took our chance and leaped up on it. Nashur (all hail him in his magnificence!) himself, joined the fray, and Bobzarus continued to harry the Commagenes. It was down to this: the Asavaran, flanked by light horse must survive; the Commagenes must be broken; and Whatsisgases the Decrepit must take it right up his…

Well, I’m sure you can see how justice was done. Good prevailed over evil. Nashur III (all hail him in his magnificence!) regained his rightful throne, peace and prosperity reigns, and the world is free to enjoy feline delights and fine floor coverings…
…but what happened to Bobzarus? Well, he was last seen happily bouncing along as he rode up and down Wayinzfalus!

Pic: Whatsisgases’ The Deceased!

Postscript:
It has to be said that other that the initial planning and deployment, I (Nash) did not play the best of games. Other than spotting a chance for Bob to get his elephant stuck in, most of the hard work was done by Bob. Wayne played very well for the most part but the dice were often against him at crucial times in the game. That could also be said of my dice, but I think it proved more frustrating for Wayne as he was clearly out-playing me on my flank. 
On my flank, there were two  real turning points in the game at the beginning and at the end, whilst Bob’s flank was a well fought battle for dominance of the hill, eventually won by skill and weight of numbers – the ally being unable to support that flank being most telling. On my side, the first real error was my own error. Getting out manoeuvred by the LH in the first turns effectively lost that flank. I was maybe fortunate that it was early on and was taking time to be decisive. My other mistake was not getting stuck in against his BDs with my KNs – that should have been the deciding turning point…however, it wasn’t. Wayne’s only big mistake of the game was the one that decided it in the end, It was unfortunate that because of frustration (and maybe fatigue by this point as we were all knackered) he tried too hard to get onto the rear of the Knx with 
his general without really thinking it through. Lucky me! 
Overall, it was a tense game, hard fought and down to the wire again! 
Well played Wayne and Bob!!